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revelations of a reformed individualist

Life passed I am reflecting

under the warmth of the sun's rays protecting

inner dreams my heart projecting

any pain on this path rejecting

taking time i sit reflecting

isn't art just me subjecting?

all my truths i am expressing

anecdotes and stories reflecting

journeys and sites i am collecting

but personal loves i am neglecting

inner health and relations dissecting

i am ready for a joining

of hearts and dreams, you and me, combining

for this path alone is isolating

and my heart is big but also needing

to feel a love come back delivering

to me so i continue growing

in return i am able and willing

to share a love and all that's filling

me up so we can rise in flying

to the highest heights of real living

This Moment

What calls for this moment is silence.
Listening to the spaces in between the darkness
without discarding
The light.
Lightness of all beings penetrate my heavy heart.

What calls for this moment is stillness.
Simplifying the extraneous, discarding
All that persuades to invade me.
Going inward to nothing, emptiness and
living with that perfect void.

What calls for this moment is joy.
Lifting me up to feel special, nourished, fed, fueled.
A sense of awe and light and much laughter
That is just real
and no negativity or displeasure.

What calls for this moment is peace.
Within and without, and lightness of soul.
Love and care and rest.
Immense calm.
Beauty and serenity that works tenderly,
to offer solace and a feeling of okay.

What calls for this moment is truth.

Flat line
I woke up and I spent the day
asleep.
Numb to my internal dreaming
I infused coffee like a drug to pump
my blood to zone.
Click click clack on the keyboard.
Hours
went by. I had died
inside.
Tick tick tock went my internal clock.
Years went by.
Letting go of vivid creativity
no more burning.
I self-medicate and watch my passion
Fry.
Until one night I saw the
light.
Surrounded by kindred talent
they spoke their work
and rapped their purpose
and knew their service
to mankind.
I woke up.
I am awake and it's
TIME
to live the vision.
take it to the next level of
creation.
No more masturbation.
It's not about one thing by
MANY
things. Art is all
round all encompassing.
I live and breath the floor boards
I dance
I look into the lens
and let go of defense
I have the energy to
be all that I am to be.
No more flat line.
It's time. To.
Do. It.

last night

Connected

but wary

intimate...

without friction or lust

Neither... yet.

I'm wondering what he is thinking

about my body?

about my depth?

about my age?

about my ego that i let go

about the mask i just took off..

and surrendered to the night's flow

about me... ?

who knows how a man thinks ...

I'm assuming, but becoming the ass every minute.

I'm not good at this.

I wonder if it shows?

I'm assuming he has changed his mind.

Already.

At some stage they turn off. cold.

And I never get to understand why.

But it would be so... eloquent...

polite even...

if this one stays switched on.

Because I'm always on...
to the pulse of this frequency,

of OPENING and exploring and loving fully, living and giving deeply.

so many do not know how to take that.
i get so much take take take and

they eat it up like i've just brought the messiah

but i'm left holding my heart that i put on a silver plate

devoured fast
and i sink deeper into the water.

it never lasts.

slow.

gotta go slow, still ...

want to know.

am i supposed to know yet?

how he thinks of me?

i feel invisible right now in his mind

as he gets on with his normal life

the day after last night.

last night. it was an evolution of a night.

there were all the parts played to make a life's opus.

and the touching. oh the sweet... comfort of that.

he stayed the night.

no, not what you might presume. no hard-felt lust episodes

that end in gloom.

no, this was really a dream night.. of true sleeping

entwined.

we slept hard from the wine.

breathing deep, hearts beating like one

let it come.

our toes touch our noses touch our fingers touch

and yet

not even one kiss.
that would take us over the edge

and i'm still clinging on to that ledge

because if we speed up this train

i'll lose him, again.

slow. slow. slow down.

he draws me close to his back and i lie close

warm skin softly dancing together

flirting.

he made sure we stayed connected

palm to palm, ear to ear.

i'm not used to this.

he breathed deep, exorcizing his own demons of the night

or maybe i was helping him delete his memory bank

breathing hard

so we could make a brand new start.

at three i let go of his skin

and made space within.

his breath eased and mine too

and we slept and dreamed through

till dawn.

i remember now why i have been alone

all my life.

i have so far to go

to throw out the demons of my own self-realization

but in this occasion

i choose. to. give in

to the mystery.

i let him go, without a kiss

but i still felt bliss.

KISS

Your service is a disservice to the life we could lead.

I bleed

Over and over again, trying to mend

But this illusion is an intrusion

On what’s really going down

When you’re around you fill me up and

Tantalize

Then crucify my tongue so I apologize

Red in my eyes the tears and fears built up over time

I feel like I’ve committed a crime for my own protection

There is a defection and

I can no longer carry your load

And be blamed for your hibernation from women

I am woman and I love, give, receive

Don’t deceive as I will leave

Again

You are closed and angry, pity the one who throws stones

Carry the bone and be lonely

If only you’d hear my heart and we could make a fresh start

Where all is ours for hours

No lies just truth

I welcome you, you son of a bitch

Into the womb, my legs apart

Whenever you itch

My tongue on fire

You cannot see desire

Only flame and betrayal

Hail the man who understands when to push, interrogate

Know his fate and not press the point

But just anoint love and care and

Know time heals all wounds

Soon I’ll find a man of my kind

Who’ll talk and walk and jump in blind

Who’ll see the point and be the knight

I’ll carry your seed and breed if you are right

All loving, caring wise and free

To be mine and mine alone

If only you would see and be smart to

Know a woman can be the tart and mother in one

If, son, you take us as we are,

We’ll take you far

To the highest of highs and passion by far

The best reward and desert, as we flirt

…. So…. Leave your bedroom door a jar

and let me close your lips that sting

Just wear my ring, and let me caress

Not possess

Nor dispossess

But be our own selves and lie in bliss

With our timely

…… kiss

© gilli moon

new york midnight express. Now is What.

chaos.

on the street

in my head

on the tv

in the room.

i stand innocent.

it swims around me.

i live the silent movie.

bam...fast

furious

fire

strong

midnight express.

sleeping in the bronx,

smelling deep history

race, creed, industrialized waste,

toxic to my system,

messy, grimy,

how do people live like this?

..fixing for a taste of home,

not going to come so easy

feeling queasy.

new york, new york, giant jungle

people fight to stay alive

dyin' inside but hungry like tigers

fast and furious they push

whoosh goes the train like

hunter and hunted,

subway speed and kids doing tricks street side.

do they know what's going on in the south?

nothing comes out of this boy's mouth but

"yeah, wanna buy my pet lizard

got no disease"

the dis-ease of our nation

is seen on these streets

exemplified thrice fold.

now what?

i am alone in my thought on this

how do i make it clear

without inciting fear.

while tears wash away in the floods of new orleans.

where do we all go from here?

fear is the one thing stopping.it.all.

i contemplate while i wait for my pizza slice

filled with cheese, grease and my god it's delicious,

down in alphabet city, with the sleaze and

cuban restaurants with melodic guitars and voices and drums

and beer and wine bars and young girls with tats

and black berets and striped socks.

sleeping on the street.

she sleeps. or dribbles not sure.

i eat. i look around and find i'm in hell

how ironic as i am in love with it all.

it drives my creative muse

and i refuse to be of it

but in it in any case.

alive and kicking i also am with it,loving it

performing in it, feeling it.

now what?

i find the keyboard and

feel the ivories at c-note,

a dive bar that

eases my mood.

i drink cheap beer.

magic of lower east side.

new york city has me by the hook, line and sinker

and i'm not fine with what i see,

the black concrete playgrounds,

and a city losing time.

no time, all the time, every time

people fast, forward

in your face.

..and hard truck sounds and taxi cabs that don't stop when you

put your hand up high and say "stop" i am crossing this god damn street.

"stop" with the cockroaches and the grit on my glass of water.

"stop" with the urine down on the L line

people live with this going to work and back

and they don't see this simple fact,

they live in tunnels on the way from here to there

tunnels under the roads, the labyrinth of codes.

"stop" the chatter inside my head of fear and 9/11 and clubs that don't pay

or leave it ambiguous like they don't know what an artist needs.

what does an artist need?

the feeling of connection...

whispering my thoughts ....do they know,

...do they know what is really going on?

are we all so centrifugal to our own moment

our own journey?

was this book really created for me?

"go" with my heart, my pulse, the instinct to be alive, and enjoy this fast

journey,

the ploy, the entrancing feeling of living on the edge and feeling

history,.. on 42nd street.

where i stayed last year

in 5 star hell

and finally, finally

performed on broadway with a python at that.

new york city town hall.

i have done it.

now what?

how does it feel?

what's real to my heart my ambition to know

....to know i have grabbed what i wanted to do

in '92, as i rollerbladed through these steamy streets with Backstage mag in my hands

and dreams in my heart,

and naivety

in my lungs and all i felt was fun and cold and hot

and all the stuff that makes an artist alive, wanting, yearning, begging for a stage

to be heard.

living on adrenalin and hard dreams, ambitions to fruition

i want to be heard.. new york city. do you hear me? do you feel me? do you want me?

BUT i have done it.

already.

i have made it real

and lived broadway

and succeeded

for whatever that success means? what does it really mean?

this constant fire in my belly that says

more more more

NOW WHAT?

i turn to the burbs

big houses, large windows

fancy mercedes SUVs and i sit here on the couch

wondering.

now what?

while... an old lady dies in a hospital and i'm left holding my friend's baby

so calm and soft

she smiles

with the innocence of mother nature

she calms my mind.

the innocence of children

reminds me that i must look at life through a child's eyes

at all times

to survive

my own ambition.

now what?

NOW. Now is WHAT.

i breathe in

i submerge to dreamland to breathe some more

and feel the blue sky beating it's heat

reminding me of life and love and california and passion surging, coursing through me

. i live an extraordinary life.

give me another slice.

gilli moon . september 10. 2005. manhattan.

deconstruction

I hold my breath I catch myself

It oozes from my pores

I resist

I put up walls

‘Cause I fear to fall

But what is this fear I feel

An inability to stand tall

Never lose my sense of self

Rigid in my id

You come to me open arms

and I deconstruct all ego

Deconstruct the self

Surrender to swimming

Underwater upside down

Deconstruct the fear

Dip into the well

Clean out the cobwebs

Decompose addiction

Surrender deconstruction.

Let it come.

Who am I but no one special

Perfection doesn’t make me.

I float and be the bag

Wherever wind takes me.

Be mine, my sweet wine,

As I disassemble the priority line

I’m facing a highway and feeling

Tender in my convictions.

Am I alone in this dualism of creation?

We’re born alone, we live alone we die alone.

That’s what the angel sang to me but I resist

I want more than this.

I deconstruct the symbols and the signs

And find metaphors to guide me to unity

Clarity

Together, another, love beyond the borders

Of my own heart.

Can there be two hearts that beat like one?

Many paths I’ve traveled, many roads have led me here.

I cry I laugh I shout I retreat

Circumstances created fear.

I’ve lived a thousand years and spoken with devils and angels

I run the mile, the lonely mile

Path least traveled through the ages.

And in my rhetoric

Of this moment being mine

Past present future

It’s one delicious glass of wine

Solitude is comforting

But it’s not where I want to be

I’m blindfolded ready

Into the abyss you guide me

Goddess, mother, warrior, man,

Lover, mermaid, phoenix, wife

Husband, father, sister, brother,

Jump into my extraOrdinary life

communication
we all have different masks we wear. we are complex individuals with complex personalities. we all have multi-dimensional personas. as we reveal the hidden layers to discover our true selves… we are still complex. i am sweet, loving, angelic, and angry, unheard, demonic. i have wept and I have laughed. i have lived. i am alive. i mirror you like you mirror me. I unveil the masks you wear. we live the perfect life you and i. war, peace, fight then love. truth, deceit, honor, corruption. lust, hate, warmth, cold. fear, faith, more, then less. success, failure, adventure, stagnation. life is a journey. this is perfection. be brave temperamental angel.

© gilli moon

ALONE

                                                 confused yet sure
                                                 focused but unsteady
                                                 energy but tired
                                                 small but large hearted
                                                 in love with nobody
                                                 happy and alone
                                                 alone with a struggle
                                                 poor in pocket
                                                 rich in thought
                                                 eager to end
                                                 hard to start
                                                 sure in uncertainty
                                                 unsure in commodity
                                                 surprised at life
                                                 wanting independence
                                                 naive on world doings
                                                 wise to my own ears
                                                 love and fighter
                                                 no brothers or sisters
                                                 alone       © gilli moon

i used to dream of this day

i never thought it would come to this

all of those weary nights

poems by candlelight

i danced alone in my own world

i feel so much alive

i remember the fear i felt

never believed the dreams in me

time to receive all that i need

time to reinvent my human nature

time to begin the child

time to begin

time

© gilli moon

TIME

i don't appreciate the feeling i get when i'm clinging to my rock upside down

why is it alway's me rolling around? being pushed to the ground?

i'll take a minute to stand up tall

i'll take a minute to get on the rock.... and not fall.

cause time is in my hands

it's swimming in my pockets

tick tock, hickory dock

time to go, time to stop

time to un ad time to fly

time to sleep and time to cry

i'm running out of moments where i sit alone and contemplate

aching in the morning, don't wanna wake up to any bad days

i'll trim the edges and lose the lost

counting on myself to break the wall... at every cost

cause time is in m hands

it's swimming in my pockets

tick tock, hickory dock

time to go, time to stop

time to un ad time to fly

time to sleep and time to cry

why should i wait another minute!! when there's only seconds left...

© gilli moon

Indigo was the colour of my dream,

Soft and reassuring - a sense of secure

Promises and episodes

All was there, seen

Felt.

It was tangible, this indigo dream.

Candid, direct, straight forward,

Like the yellow brick road just following

The golden light to reach the pot of gold.

Hardly real.

It was an indigo dream

I curved too much.

Dubious.

Life is like a shadow - dark and dubious.

No such indignation of an indigo truth.

Lost.

Can't touch real things.

The brick road is windy.

No soap opera of events.

Just questions -

No colours except for the colour wheel

Of our eyes.

Indigo eyes.

Tainting the black and white image

To create diversity.

Indigo is only an adjective anyway.

Indigo was the colour of my dream.

My dreams are usually black

So indigo suits me fine.

© gilli moon

All written matter copyright © gilli moon / Warrior Girl Music, and cannot be printed, disseminated or published unless by the strict permission of the writer.